SELF ESTEEM

By: Nwachukwu Ngozi Dora -LL.B Hons

Abuja, Nigeria

       Self improvement, personal growth, striving to be the best version of yourself everyday, is the best kind of improvement in my opinion. 

I am going to get a little personal here and hopefully I'll make it short. Lol

       I use to suffer from depression. This was caused by series of events that I passed through in life and because I refused to talk about any of it, it blew up in my face one day. I felt so defeated and I stopped trying. I basically decided to just wallow in self pity and I wanted to be left alone.
One day, I got tired of being sad because come onnnnn, being depressed can be so exhausting. I realized that no one was going to help me (mostly because I didn't let them) and so I had to help myself. So I turned to the one thing that wouldn't ask me to speak, explain myself or even laugh at me when I voice out my fears; BOOKS. 

       It's usually easy for me to pick a book and get lost in it. They helped a lot!  They gave me the motivation and advice on how to take control of my life and that was how my transformation started. 

       I will try to outline and explain some of the things that helped me then, in no particular order. I also want you to understand that self improvement is a continuous thing, it never ends, as long as you are alive, it is important to constantly grow and become your best self.

1. MAKE A DECISION

       I decided to stop wallowing in pity. This was the hardest part because dwelling in my misery was easier than looking for help or solutions. I had to push against my self-created boundaries that hindered my progress. By doing that, I became more open and honest to myself.

2. SELF ESTEEM
       This usually refers to the minimal amount of respect that every person must have.
Acknowledging the fact that you have a low self esteem is a step to your improvement. Do you often have negative thoughts about yourself? Negative thoughts about your career? Your body? If those thoughts are mostly critical, you have a low self esteem. 

       Without self esteem, you wouldn't know what to tolerate and what not to tolerate. People with low self esteem convince themselves that they do not deserve good things in life so they lower their expectations.
We live in a world where people mostly treat you according to how you present yourself so if you act like you don't deserve better, you will never get 'better'.

       With a high self esteem (the healthy kind),you tend to know what you deserve.
My friend usually says "if you want people to treat you like a queen, act like one" now when they  decide not to treat you the way you want or deserve, you can leave. Keep walking till you get what you want.

       Low self esteem also means we are not happy with the way we are, while a high self esteem means you love and accept yourself the way you are and generally feel satisfied most of the time. Find the source of your low self esteem, if you can change it, please do.
After identifying these factors, I turned my inner voice from negative and critical to a positive voice. I had to reframe my thoughts about myself.

3. POSITIVE THOUGHTS
       Being positive is a huge step towards self improvement.
Focus on the things you like about yourself,stop focusing on those negative thoughts. Congratulate yourself for your accomplishments no matter how big or small. 

       Surround yourself with positive people. If you have negative people around you, like friends, colleagues or co-workers, try not to spend time with them.  Please understand that a negative mind would never give you a positive life.
Negative thoughts will always come, but you have the power to control it. Tell yourself that you are in complete control.

4. FORGIVE YOURSELF
       Let go of those mistakes,understand that they are part of life. You made them because you are alive and growing, besides dead people don't make mistakes.
       Learn to forgive yourself when things don't go as planned. Forgive yourself for being imperfect, putting yourself down all the time will not achieve anything!

5. ACCEPT YOUR FLAWS
       We all have them, in different categories, sizes, shades, levels whatever.. lol. Nobody is perfect. If it is something you can change, maybe something physical, do so (healthily). Be comfortable in your skin.
You know perfection is self imposed yea? You need to stop!
Now I'm not saying you shouldn't hold yourself to higher standards, you should but, understand that life doesn't always happen the way we want it to.
So please don't get frustrated, just change your plans. When you create that high standard or ideal image (which is a good thing because it motivates a lot of people) and they don't happen, find other ways of achieving those things. You don't have to follow that exact route.

6. LOVE YOURSELF
       Yea yea, we hear this alot, but it works!
In other to grow as a person, you must love yourself I mean, how do you invest in you when you don't like yourself enough to have faith in you?
I know there are people out there who have grown without liking themselves but I don't think they would get as far as those people that like themselves. And please you are going to be with yourself forever so you had better get comfortable.lol 

       When you love yourself, you get more confident. Being confident doesn't mean that you don't have any insecurities. You are going to have them and guess what? You are not the only one.
But a confident person is bold enough to face their fears and challenges despite those insecurities. Make time for yourself, to do things that make you happy, it would increase your self esteem which in turn affects your productivity both at work and in your home.

I know that there will always be a better girl, boy, man, woman, a prettier or richer person out there but there can never be another ME! And that right there is my power.

       So whenever I have doubts, I tell myself these things and also remind myself that I have God and ME and that's all the magic I need to be this fine, extraordinary person that I am now and will continue to be. 

I am still a work in progress, I am not where I want to be yet but I know I will get there in good time and you would too if you start working on yourself.

Find what works for you. Books worked for me because I'm a nerd. Lol . I enjoy my own company and the company of others but if you ask me to pick, honestly? I will choose my own company. So if you are the type that likes to talk, and be with people, try to reach out, especially when you have a trustworthy person you can talk to. The people we have around us contribute to our growth too so talk to someone if you can.

    Best Regards